Thursday, November 19, 2009

Down but not quite out

The two-day workshop kept me focused outside of myself. Being back at my desk today allowed me to focus inward again - not a good thing. It didn't help that it was yet again rainy, dark, windy, miserable weather.

I have always suffered from a tendency to react psychosomatically to bad thoughts, and currently I find myself in a downward spiral caused by lack of sleep, accumulating exhaustion, frustration, and anger.

It takes a lot of energy to counter this process, which can really gain speed and mass if left alone: the sadness creates the tiredness which disinclines me to exercise which then exacerbates the tiredness and the sadness.

When I am happy, I have energy; when I am sad/angry/frustrated and feeling powerless, I have no energy. So, I have to make a conscious effort - and I am always amazed at what an effort it is - to break free. Tomorrow, luckily, I am going to see my wonderful energy healer, and then on Saturday I will go to yoga.

The most import thing for me for next week is to lay out a plan for going to yoga several times, and then to do it - the benefits are enormous when I do go, I know this.

But man, when I feel like this, I am paralyzed.

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